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Off On The Wrong Foot

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So the get together was lovely, rife with children. 6 in total. I think.

It was chaos and screaming, and there was jumping and cacophony.

People who had once been individuals, fun individuals, are now wranglers.

Cops who police the unbridled whimsy of undomesticated humans.

When not doing that they become the child’s manger, excitedly expounding on all of their odd behavior or cajoling the child to do tricks.

I will now pause to say that, now in my 30s, surrounded by breeders galore: it isn’t children I dislike. They are wonderful humans trying to understand the world around them. Getting the social graces wrong, but ultimately getting the essence of life correct. What I cannot stand are parents.

My god, what an insufferable, self-righteous group of people. There is no unselfish motive for having kids. Then they expect to have their ass kissed for the effort! Never can you express any annoyance at daily life without one of them talking about how hard their lives are. They have it so much harder. They are most special among all of humanity because they bred.

Taking care of children is SO HARD! We’re so tired all the time! Oh, did you have a 14 hour shift in the coal mine? Ha! Try getting three kids to soccer practice!

A grossly annoying group of people.

Then, of course, not only do they wish to diminish your life. They will double down and call you wildly selfish for not having them. Selfish? From someone who decided they needed a garrison of carbon copies? Get outta here!

Making human does not fill you with unselfishness and make you a virtuous being who only wishes bliss and benevolence. But you don’t have to take my word for it! (Holds up copy of the Old Testament LeVar Burton style.)

We acquired an additional child because my sister-in-law broke her elbow and had to be carried to the hospital. As a result, we had to watch her one-year-old Harper. Who I am rather attached to, so this was no problem.

Finally, everyone left.

It was at this moment, while clean-up efforts were under way, that my wife accidentally stepped wrong off the top of the stairs and destroyed her ankle. I was on the line with FEMA in the other room at the time.

The rest of the evening was tied up in attempting to handle all that comes with that sort of situation.

As has this morning, the jury, of course, in still out on what we are going to do next.

One of my best friends and writing/performing partner for the last 5 years, is having his last show in Pittsburgh today before he goes off to the far distant land called, I believe, Chicago.

Though arguments abound, I think it is best I do not go.

I’ll keep you posted on that too.