This is certainly not to trivialize a very serious topic, but it is indeed an actual account of my experience.
Narrator: September 11, 2001. Tragedy strikes the United States. In this hour of immense grief, France comes to comfort her old friend. Marianne: Hey, kid, I’m so sorry about what happened. We’re here for you, whatever you need. Uncle Sam: Thank you. I want to make them pay! Marianne: I know, I know. Let’s not […]
Narrator: War breaks out! France and America are embroiled in The Great War. America sends resources to aid France’s efforts until joining the war themselves. Victory is achieved. Then there is peace. (Long pause) Narrator: AND THEN WAR BREAKS OUT AGAIN! The Germans are at it again! They’ve attacked and destroyed Paris! Vichy France is […]
Narrator: France and America have had rough patches. The Napoleon years for example … Uncle Sam: Break up with him! He’s not good for you! Marianne: You don’t know him like I do! He just has a temper! Uncle Sam: He’s bad news! He’s started a fight with every single one of your neighbors! It’s […]
Narrator: It was a long and bitter battle, but alas the colonists emerge victorious in the fight for independence! Standing by their side in this fight was France, an ally to whom they owe a great deal. Admittedly, they were initially drawn to the fight because they were angry with England. (The enemy of my […]
Financial Tips for the Childless: 8 Things You Can Do With the Money You Aren’t Spending on Children
1.) Invest — Now is a good time to diversify your portfolio, maybe even take a risk or two since you don’t have to worry about anyone but yourself. Might I suggest diapers. If my own bundle of joy is any indication, this will have incredible returns. In fact it feels like it’s “yielding dividends” right now. […]
When the pandemic is over, I’m becoming a Parrothead. Fuck it. They look like they have a lot of fun. I want to have a lot of fun. I’ll run the streets of Key West, in particular my family’s namesake: Duval Street. Spelled with one L because, I assume, we had to sell one to […]
Every comic personage worth their weight in funny bones needs a friend like Fran Lebowitz has in Martin Scorsese. Martin, the brilliant, wildly successful director who has given us many classics. A man who has achieved that level of American fame where their name is synonymous with excellence (Jordan, Spielberg, The Beatles, Chris Duvall, folks […]
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